Finding Myself in Fiction: My Empyrean Awakening

Like much of the world right now, I have recently found myself completely and utterly in love with The Empyrean Series by Rebecca Yarros. My friend at work suggested it to me at the beginning of the school year, so I started reading Fourth Wing in December…and I couldn’t stop. I was so unable to stop that I ended up getting the audio book too so I could listen in the car. And while doing dishes. And getting ready in the morning. And while in the shower. You get the point. I was immediately hooked. The bond between Xayden and Violet is of course hypnotizing…and I am completely obsessed with my new found shadow daddy. But aside from that, the story itself is unlike anything I’ve ever read before. I hated people as if they had wronged me. I loved people (and dragons) as though they were mine. I laughed. I cried. I fell in love and had my heart completely broken, put back together, ripped back out of my chest, and put back again countless times. If you read these books, I’m sure I’m not explaining anything you haven’t already experienced, and I’m probably not even doing it justice. Rebecca Yarros is a genius. 

Despite the fact that I am a teacher and a single mom of three amazing kids, I managed to finish both Fourth Wing and Iron Flame before Onyx Storm was released and I was READY for whatever came next. At least, I thought I was. It took 2 weeks of very late nights and very distracted days waiting to get back to it, but I finally finished the book. At first, I couldn’t process anything that I had just read. I literally went blank. It felt like everything I had read had been completely erased from my own memory. So many details and events and things that should have been flying around my brain, helping me to formulate theories and understand what was going on, were simply gone. And, on top of this utter confusion, I had this gaping hole left behind by not having any more of the story to read. 

For the next few days, I couldn’t stop reading posts online and going down the rabbit hole of Facebook and Instagram to see what everybody’s reactions were and listen to their theories of what in the actual hell was going on in this third book. Two of my good friends at work had also finished the book at the same time as me and the three of us were instantly obsessed with sharing everything that we found, trying to make sense of what was going on. In talking to them and reading and listening to all of these amazing people who were just as in love with this series as I was, I came to the realization of why I felt so much more lost than so many other people.

They were paying more attention. It sounds obvious, and I’m not exactly proud to admit it, but it’s true. I was so instantly hooked on these books that I found myself reading faster than I normally read and not being able to put them down because I needed to know what happened next. I didn’t stop to process anything that was happening, I didn’t analyze things and look for those little ingenious clues that Rebecca left behind, and I just kept pushing forward. So much so, that when I got to the end of Onyx Storm, I couldn’t even remember what Imogen‘s signet was, so I didn't put together what had even happened to Violet. I was infuriated with myself, because that isn’t like me. I love putting puzzles together and figuring out for myself what’s going on. And not being able to do that was driving me crazy. I thought about it for a long time and I realized that I had been so focused on getting to the next part that I wasn’t fully absorbing all of the things I needed to to be able to really appreciate all the magnificent writing and storytelling in this series. And seeing as how we have a good year or two at least before the next book comes out, I also knew I needed a way to fill the hole in my heart.

My solution? Reread the entire series, obviously! But this time, I’m going to do it right. This time, I’m going to take my time. This time, knowing how everything unfolds through these three books, I’m going to go back and find all those little things that Rebecca hid for us to find. And I’ve decided I’m going to do this with the help of the Fantasy Fangirls podcast. I haven’t listened to a single episode yet, because I didn’t want to listen to anything until I was done with all three books. But after watching these girls online, I am so excited for what I’m going to do next. I plan to read all the chapters discussed in each episode of the podcast, starting with Fourth Wing. In doing this, I can go back and pick up on all the things I missed the first time around. And the things I couldn’t have possibly picked up on until reading ahead. Things that were left for us to find later. This journey that I’m going to take is probably going to become a little bit obsessive, and I’m okay with that ;) It makes me happy. 

While I am doing this for myself, I had the idea of turning my journey into a blog because I know there are other people out there like me who read these books without stopping to think and now want to go back and do what I’m doing. Or maybe, you just loved the books so much that you feel empty without them and the idea of rereading and discussing them all over again reignites your sense of purpose. Either way, I’m here for it!! I have had a very difficult few years and have been on my own personal journey of healing. This series came at a time when I needed something to make me feel like me again. I think I really lost myself the last few years. I didn’t even realize it until recently. But I had given so much of myself to everyone else, that I wasn’t me anymore. It’s kind of incredible how much reading this series has made me feel like myself again. Just having something for myself that I can prioritize and truly love. It reminded me of something I had lost and desperately needed to get back. I am so excited, not only to reread this for me, but to share my journey with other people like me. I love books. I love reading. And I love the bond that it creates between people. I cannot wait to see where this journey takes me. And if you all come along with me, even better. So, if you’re ready…let’s jump into all the fantasy feels!!! 🖤